What embarrassment taught me about value

The second assignment in the Writing Sadness Through Humour class I took back in the summer of 2024 was to write about a time in life I was embarrassed. If you want to read about the first assignment click here 

10 or so years ago, I was in a sharing circle at a retreat designed to educate participants how to create, and ideally be successful at, online business. The idea of the circle was to connect the group of 30 or so to something or someone that could help them accomplish their thing.

I panicked when I heard the instructions. I didn’t have an ask. I didn’t even know what I wanted beyond to start an online business. 

And the people in the circle were big deals. Some had successful online businesses already, some had acted in documentaries, and some worked for some really big companies. Some were even from California for gosh sake!

I was just a peon from Thunder Bay, Ontario trying to break even in a text message advertising business I dreamt up one day while thinking about the easiest ways I could make money without having to do very much work. 

I wanted to feel like I was part of the circle. 

So when one woman asked if anybody knew Sarah Jessica Parker (the character of Carrie on the HBO series Sex and the City) I put my hand up and claimed that I did.

“Really, YOU  know Sarah Jessica Parker?” The facilitator asked.

“Yeah, from Sex and the City?” I verified that I could, indeed, connect the celebrity, to her actual name, to her character on the show.

“Like you KNOW her?” He asked.

With 45 or so sets of eyeballs looking at me, I realized that wasn’t the connection they were looking for.

“Well, I don’t KNOW her, but I know who she is”. I said.

Now, I don’t know if my paranoia about not having an ask was clouding my ability to understand the exercise. I would like to think that’s what it was, but it’s more likely that I wanted these people to know I was a big deal too. At least to me, based on my glamorous education and career history.

Discovering that everything I had identified with as valuable didn’t mean shit in that circle was, well, so sad it didn’t even feel sad. 

I share this with you because If you want to pursue a business or a writing project, you should.  There are probably a million reasons why you want to that you don’t even know about yet. And if you want to make easy money you might have to take the scenic route.